Just Jump Street, Cabin tomorrow

I'm slightly sick again. I've been working through a sort of sore throat for a few days now, losenges, vitamin C chewable tablets, and breathing in this spray that relieves ones sore throat. Of course you aren't supposed to actually breathe it in, just spray it in. I'm a bad sprayer, whaddya want?

My throat's now more irritating than anything else, but that may be the tea talking. We'll see if it gets worse or whatever. My nose is running now, that's new.

Anyways, forget all that- last Wednesday evening I went to see 21 Jump Street followed by The Cabin in the Woods.

Major Spoilers to follow.

Seriously, I'm going to tell you everything about what happens in these movies. If you don't want to know the details of Johnny Depp's cameo in Jump street, turn away. If you don't want to know what the fuss about Cabin in the Woods is all about then power down the computer and go for a walk or something. Or, wait, yeah, go see the movies. That really is the thing to do if you don't want to be spoiled about them.

I can't help but wonder how accessible movies are. Or any media really. I have to do a lot of decoding of these american detective stories; they're done in a quick, crisp tone, no explanations. More of that Hemmingway influence. Was that last line a figure of speech, or something to be taken literally? I often have to try it both ways to see what works, something that the novels contemporaries wouldn't have had to do.

I mention this because of how referential Jump Street and Cabin are. (Similarly, I've started watching Wayne's World the other day- got busy and didn't finish- and there were plenty of gags that I could only smile ruefully over, sure that these whippersnappers running around today, the 90'S KIDS wouldn't have a clue if they saw it. When have they ever seen a Grey Poupon commercial. Then again, I can't be too far behind them, I have no clue if I spelled that right just now..)

In one scene it was commented on that Jonah Hill's character's character "Doug" (remember the whole undercover thing about Jump Street? You do?! Then you're already doing quite well, since I didn't explain that to you. You've clearly come to this blog with quite a bit of information already with which you can decode what I'm saying) had done something odd in calling this girl from school instead of texting. The gag is that this slightly older generation existed before texting- Community's pulled this one, too- how long do you think it'll be before the powers that be in Hollywood decide us pre-texters are no longer worthy of courting for our dollar? Eh, we'll see what happens.

Anyways: I LOVED 21 Jump Street. As I had straight up said in a "Facebook status" (remember those? "Facebook" was a social media platform where people most often posted inane things about themselves*) this movie made me laugh more than any other that I could remember. It definitely blew me away.

*this note, obviously, is for the people of the future who needed a little bit more context. Presuming there's no large scale electromagnetic pulse that wipes every computer clean on the planet. Which there almost certainly will be. That's my pet theory anyways.

The movie wasn't especially crude, discounting foul language which rolls off my back and regardless makes me laugh. I mean there was no guy taking a dump in a cooler of beer crude (I'm looking at you American Reunion. Ah, don't feel bad, you were sweet enough in your own way).

The movie liked to poke fun at cop show conventions: angry captain, handsome dumb guy, smart loser, and ESPECIALLY explosions (!!!)

The run down of the character arc is this: Dumb guy is popular in high school, smart guy is not. They both become cops, symbiotically making up for the physical and mental weaknesses of the other as partners and friends. However they're both immature screw-ups that get relegated to the Jump Street division where they go undercover as high school students to ferret out a drug operation. Fearing (or looking forward to) the old high school dynamic, the characters are pleased (or really frustrated) to discover that the kids today are slightly different. What made the dumb guy popular in high school (single strapping a back pack, driving a cool gas guzzler, and not caring about things) is now out, double strapping is back in, so the roles actually become reversed! Cool guy sucks, loser is cool, up is down, black is white, dogs and cats, living together!

(I don't seem to ever get tired of that Ghostbusters quote)

Feelings are hurt- it seems that popularity breeds an inconsiderate nature- but eventually they make amends to solve the mystery and save the day. Vigilante style! (Of COURSE they were fired during the course of the movie)

Soon after the characters start fighting, but before they make up, "Brad" (Tatum's character's character) tells "Doug" that he'd have "taken a bullet for him, man."

Not long after this point I decided that it would make sense for "Doug" to take a bullet for "Brad" thus cementing their friendship, all debts cancelled. It would definitely make up for the jerk "Doug" is during their time back in high school.

But get this, during the last scene, it's the two guys facing off against the bad guy, "Brad" has run out of ammo, the bad guy raises his gun... and points it at "Doug"! And then "Brad" leaps in front, taking the bullet just like he said he would! What I thought would happen, happened, except the complete opposite.

This disappointed me because I prefer being right.

I suppose it's possible that "Brad" needed to prove that he really would take that bullet, ameliorating (way to shoot for the moon, Isaac. You'd better spell check that one! Maybe look up the definition too.*) him of his original high school tyranny. However we didn't spend an entire movie seeing him be terrible all through high school, we spent an entire movie seeing this guy get humiliated in high school (granted the one female teacher wanted to jump his bones- and if the quick scene during the credits is any indication, she did. I have to wonder about the timeline on that one.. did that scene come after the adventure, or is it a sort of deleted moment from earlier? Whatever.). The writers expect us to side with the Jonah Hill character I guess? But two wrongs don't make a right, writers**!

*I did! It was good enough! (I wrote this asterix before checking it out, assuming it would be right. FYI, I did spell it wrong, added an extra 'm', also, "ameliorate" basically means to improve, which is totally wrong for this sentence. I really needed some word for "wiping the slate clean". Like "forgiving" or something..)

**Right writers. Write righters. Write riders. Ghost riders in the sky...

Right, the Johnny Depp cameo. I've already gone too long without those promised spoilers! (also, forget Cabin in the Woods, I'll do that for tomorrow)

So it turns out the Jump Street undercover operation is interferring with the another undercover operation. When the main characters are about to get executed, the two gang members that are about to do it reluctantly reveal themselves to ALSO be cops: Johnny Depp and some other guy, apparently both from the original 21 Jump Street show. They promptly get gunned down in a hail of bullets, but are alive enough for a tearful apology to each other about how they should have treated each other better and not gotten so hung up on being popular in their undercover identities... a speech that "Doug" hears and obviously takes to heart.

Whew, man, I almost didn't get to spoil that! Take that as a lesson kids- with a little hard work and dilligence, you can spoil anything if you really want to.