Pain & Gain

Pain & Gain, the latest film from Michael Bay (and yes, I could have easily skipped this one based on the director involved), is, according to rottentomatoes.com, an action-comedy. Well, I'm glad SOMEONE knows what this movie is supposed to be.

Based off the bizzare true story about a group of body builders back in 1994-1995 that engage in fraud, extortion, torture, and ultimately murder, in the pursuit of the American Dream... at least, that's how the movie decides to frame it. And that specific motivation is just about the only story-telling choice the creators make- that and starting the film with a scene that takes place near the end of the story, spoiling a fair bit of dramatic tension for those of us that were ten when the real life events were going on and therefore didn't know how things would play out. No spoilers for real life I guess. Also, I just have a bone to pick with the amount of anachronic order that shows up in various media with no real reason.

For all it's cartoonish excess, we can't blame Michael Bay. For once. Not counting the introduction to the Mark Whalberg character that takes longer than it needs to, the film actually moves at a pretty brisk pace, hitting beat after beat of detail that would have come up as evidence against the trio in the real life trial. Throughout the movie are captions that tell us the date, but also give use other useful information. One of the first captions says the film is based off a true story, and later, during an especially unbelievable and seemingly gratuitous part where one guy is grilling severed hands outside their base of operations so as to burn off fingerprints, the caption reads "Yes, this is STILL based on a true story."

And if that part wasn't made up, then that's it, you officially can't blame Bay for any of the craziness on screen.

What CAN be blamed on Bay and the script writers is the lack of a story that merits the making of this film into anything other than a documentary. True, making and selling a documentary isn't going to get the people in the seats like saying "new action movie from Michael Bay" (we live on a crazy planet) but the American Dream/Johnny Wu inspirational speaker (played by Ken Jeong of course) thread is just weak. It's just there. Never is it essential to the story told, which, as it is, is just a bunch of stuff that happens.

My suggestion, maybe just because it would appeal to me, is to see the crime, then follow the cool detective played by Ed Harris as he gather evidence and discovers this INSANE thing that had happened. Basically, a modern version/movie remake of Columbo.

Man, I need to watch me some Columbo.