Argh this is ridiculous. I keep playing computer solitaire recently (the “computer” part is so that people don’t confuse me with a card solitaire person… IF I was any good at shuffling, which I’m not, maybe that could conceivably not feel like the biggest waste of time ever. But I doubt it.) It has this slight addictive quality in that you think “just one more game, only takes a second” and then half an hour is gone. Plus, there is some enjoyment to be had in finally being able to beat something that so defeated you when you were little.
Not that it doesn’t still defeat me sometimes. There’s totally a strategy here that I’m missing. This isn’t something I need to worry about.
“Isaac! We need you to save the Earth!”
“Whoah, okay, what do I need to do?”
“Beat those aliens at solitaire!”
“NOOO!”
(That’s ignoring the fact that solitaire is played… uh, solitarily. I guess there’s a score that the aliens could use to judge who won or not.)
Wasn’t able to make the gym the past two days (lousy not open at 3am on weekends) but I went this morning. You know I skipped bicep curls and went straight to the hard shoulder stuff? Now THAT is maturity for you. The power went out, which was fine. It’s well lit from outside, so it was pretty much business as usual for me. I think a guy was stuck in the elevator. Okay, I’ll say it- serves you right for coming to the gym and taking the elevator up to the place.
There was some trouble when I left, the locker room was entirely without light, and of course anti-social creature that I am, I always use a locker as far away from the entrance (i.e. the only source of light) as possible. My locker was around a corner and everything. So it was slow going with my feeble little cell phone light, and feeling around a lot. A dime fell out of my jeans pocket, and I almost said “it’s not worth it, Isaac” but then I reminded myself “No! It’s a full dime on the ground, not some lousy penny!” And I found it! Extreme!
The only real trouble the power outage cost me was the fact that it meant there was no music to listen to. Again, not that big a concern, except I was really hoping to switch gears today as far as what music was in my head. I’ve still got this song stuck in my head (just a couple of bars, as usual, which is so much worse) from the show I went to last night… a show that, ahhh, yeah. I didn’t like at all. I’m sorry!! I went because my friend was in it, but man I probably shouldn’t have gone at all.
I was really uncomfortable with how the show went out of its way to, and I know this makes me sound lame, be blasphemous. I get it, you’re all apparently atheists (I guess), but there’s plenty of good material with Santa Claus, or just anything light and fun, that can be made a little bit sexy (this was a burlesque show, by the by). The birth of Christ is, and I can’t believe I have to say this, not cool to use.
Dude, during the intermission the “Bad Santa” host had people up on his knee for photos, he tells this one woman to smile and say “Merry Christmas!” and she goes “I don’t want to say that because I’m atheist.” And the Santa says “fair enough.”
Is that fair enough? REALLY? That’s like me going “Hey, my Jewish friend, happy Hanukah- oh, wait, I take it back, I’m not Jewish. I don’t celebrate that holiday.”
And then the whole second half the “Bad Santa” host switched into a Catholic priest costume to get mock fellated by two altar boys! What does that have to do with Christmas?? (oh, plus it’s, you know, kind of a horrible thing to make light of)
I hate that my complaining about this stuff makes me seem like an overly serious nutbar, well, fine. Leave a comment to that effect and I guess never return to read what I have to say.
I wasn’t even going to write much about the experience, for fear of seeming, again, like a no-fun-having-prude or some such, and also because I’d hate for my friend to read this and find out how much I didn’t like the show (it’s because of that latter reason that I’ll often hold back specifics on this blog), but man!
My ticket said 8pm, and I got there right on time, but then I find out that the show wasn’t supposed to start until 9:30… I knew I had forgotten something from the Facebook event page… but then it didn’t ACTUALLY start until just before 10:30! And I was already half asleep from only being in bed from 12:30pm-6pm (my sleep schedule is so messed up). But yes, that was a bad start to the evening right there. I could have slept two more hours at home! I’d probably be a lot more forgiving if that had been the case.
Of special note was the sexy cat act, prowling on stage, lip synching to this Christmas carol as sung by meows. I can’t tell you how annoying those meows were. They weren’t Batman Returns Catwoman meows, they were Alvin and the Chipmunks/oh-look-my-cat-has-rabies meows. Okay, so I guess I could tell you how annoying those meows were.
That lip synching stuff is for the birds. The Bad Santa announcer guy actually did sing with his real voice- he was pretty good. An actual performance!
And the last act of the night was the re-enactment of How the Grinch Stole Christmas (a decent topic as far as it goes), but never seemed to want to stray from the grotesque Grinch… who was herself lip synching the song about how the Grinch is a mean one and whatnot (a fact which is just itself confusing from a narrative standpoint). Maybe I just don’t know what ‘burlesque’ is? I thought I did- wait, so is it something organized to show to kids so that they will completely lose the will to have sex? Some kind of advanced abstinence program? Is that what burlesque is? ‘Cause I thought it was something different.
After the program my friend said she appreciated my coming out, and I said “good”. I hoped it sounded like “good, I’m glad to help” as opposed to “good, you should appreciate it, because it was in fact not fun for me”. The second the word “good” came out of my mouth I started worrying about whether it sounded like I meant the latter version, you know, the jerk version. I tried to keep supportively monosyllabic until I could get outta there, but I’m concerned my ruse will be discovered by my sucky lying skills. Also, this blog is a dead give away. (Please don’t read it…. I really shouldn’t be posting it, I just feel kind of strongly about the subject.)
Well, there we go, enough material for two of my regular postings, condensed into one. It’s not like I’m behind on my posts or anything.
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P.S. this was originally written Dec 18 if that matters.
ReplyDeleteP.P.S.- when I described that Santa/atheist conversation to someone while at work I said "they must have been an orthodox atheist, since they couldn't even acknowledge the existence of a national holiday" and that was apparently an hilarious way to describe it, so I had to get that down too