Item! The Stone Rose

For those just tuning in, and you sort of are in that there was no way to be with me beforehand because I’m posting these entries all at once (oh, but you mostly aren’t because this is the internet you’re reading, and there’s no tuning required, mores the pity), I’ve just posted two entries before this one here, so if you don’t want to miss out, you should maybe go have a look.

This one will be short, since I seem to have gone all out on that last one, also there’s I think much less I want to say about this one.

The Stone Rose is a Doctor Who novel by Jacqueline Rayner that stars the David Tennet iteration of the Doctor plus Rose as the companion (the Doctor X Rose FOREVAH!)- As my parenthetical interjection just now has alluded, I’m quite fond of this pairs TV chemistry, so I grabbed the novel for some good times.

The book is… kinda junky. It’s a good thing no one that isn’t already a fan would be reading this, because it fails to paint much of a picture, rather it alludes to the usual visions the tv audience would be familiar with, queuing up our own nostalgic remembrances to enjoy the book with. Never seen an episode? Don’t particularly like the David Tennet Doctor or Rose? Well, definitely don’t read this book.

But the font is definitely large, so it doesn’t take long to get through. Huzzah!

It was silly verging on annoying how the characters met during the course of the adventure insisted on introducing themselves with little prompt (I would have settled for someone going “say, what’s your name?” that would have been a decent prompt), and telling everyone their full name, first, last, middle, you name it. Occupation. Ah, there aren’t THAT many characters, and I suppose it only really happens for the two… but it stands out like a sore thumb.

Stands out like a sore thumb. What a weird thing to say. My thumbs are rarely ever sore (surely a testament to a sedentary, garden-less lifestyle). How about “stands out like Powder at a tanning salon”. Do you remember Powder? That white white white guy in that movie of the same name? Came out in the 90’s? Yeah, I actually didn’t see it either. But I think he may have had, like, electrical powers or something!

Oh, right, Stone Rose. So the main duo is shown a statue of Rose in a modern museum and they think- awesome, let’s travel back to ancient Rome and get a statue made of you. Which is fine as far as it goes. A Doctor Who adventure set in Rome circa one hundred something A.D. (or some when about there).

So they have to figure out this mystery about a disappearing kid, a future girl, an evil artisan who turns people to stone (watch out Rose!) and it turns out… a technological genie from the future did it.

What.

Whew, well, that was close; you almost told a story that held together there. By the way that’s GENIE as in “Genetically Engineered Neural Imagination Engine” which, turns out, means it can do whatever it wants, so long as someone wishes it. Yes, good, because Rome is known for its GENIES. I wouldn’t even be complaining if this story was set in, you know, Agrabah or something (yeah yeah, Agrabah isn’t real, you get my meaning.).

So yeah. I don’t recommend this book; also, I’m done talking about this book. Next!