Good news delivered in the worst, most awkward way possible.

Either last Thursday or Friday I got some good news that I didn't want to share.

Eventually.

See, I did, then I didn't. It was such a quick flip that that moment of wanting to share, you almost couldn't tell that it existed. I did notice it though, and I've been thinking about it for the past few days.

When you reveal something about yourself, anything about yourself, you will have invariably given away more than you planned.

Illustrating this good news gives a barometer for how good or bad things usually go. Say my good news is "I found a dollar!!!!!!", then you may sit back and think "uh, dude, it's a dollar, chill out."

Or, maybe you'll see it the other way: "Lucky!!!!"

The night I was thinking about all this I was lying in bed failing to sleep. I was excited, and then kind of down on myself because I realized I wasn't going to go out with a buddy the next day and talk about what was going on with me.

Sharing the good and the bad? That's crazy!

I talked about this phenomenon with a stranger last year, opening up more than normal because she was a stranger. Now that we're friends I treat her the same as my other friends.

Along these lines, a few posts back I got a comment about the honesty of my post. It was a lovely hello from a friend I respect a lot (I know it's silly to not name names when you can just look it up for yourself- but that's me) but I couldn't help but infer the idea that most of my other posts are by default not very honest.

I sincerely doubt that was in her mind, she liked my post, simple as that- but obviously I'm self conscious about my degree of honesty here and in my general dealings with people, otherwise I wouldn't have thought of that. I believe I've made similar observations along these lines here before. ("Boy, I sure do hate how charming I have the ability to be in various social settings" being my classic example. Though really- making a pretty girl smile is one of the best things in the world.)

Is it surprising that I have a public and a private persona? I should think not. Everyone does, with varying degrees of differences between their separate masks.

Uh, heh, I guess that's just a long way of saying, things are going well right now. I'm starting to move in the direction I want to move in. Kind of a month behind schedule(at the least)- but I'll take it!

***

The other reason I was thinking about personas and motivations and everything is because of "Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane"- the comic I mentioned I put a hold on at the library a little bit ago? Turns out, this was a hard cover collection of the entire series! Pretty sweet.

Mary Jane is the star of this little romance book, and there's a lot of drama, but not especially from her. She spends the bulk of the title depressed- unless she's with her friends, then she puts on a great show of being a silly happy party girl.

There's this great storyline where Mary Jane got the lead in the school play, a position that another actress works to sabotage out of jealousy. Once Peter Parker finds out (aka spectacular ol Spidey) he gets help from Liz Allen (Mary Janes most of the time best friend in this story) to set things right without alerting Mary Jane to the fact that anyone was trying to sabotage her in the first place.

Liz wanted to tell Mary Jane what was up, because at the moment Liz was kinda in the dog house, and wanted this to get back to best friend status. Peter's reasoning behind the subterfuge was that if Mary Jane knew about the other actress' strong feelings about the part in the play, Mary Jane was liable to drop out entirely, giving up the part.

Ultimately, Liz kept the information to herself, and it was pretty awesome. It's one thing for someone who's totally, automatically selfless to "do the right thing"- but Liz has a strong selfish streak, so this was not only a great movement forward for her character, but it also served as a testimonial to how much she really cared for her friend.

I liked it, is, again, what I'm trying to say.

Well, it's just past eight, so I think I'll turn back on the ol' tv. Or something, I don't know- I'm a loose cannon, I can't plan these things so far in advance!