The rumble of the explosions has not yet died away...

At some point I have to stop using the words weird or rare to describe this feeling, a sensation more common as time goes by, that lingers just a little bit longer. I should be tired, but instead I’m electrified and purposeful. Fascinating that one can be “full of purpose” when all you’re doing is thinking. Maybe that is just it- rather than being actually purposeful I just have the feeling of such.

My eye aches from too much reading and too little sleep. I just tore through V for Vendetta today. Now I’m sort of glad that I didn’t finish it those years ago- not because of any particular insight any new education I have would bring to bare on the work, although I certainly wouldn’t have appreciated it then as much as I do now, but just because it feels more right for me to read it now. It’s how my story goes, and it’s a much better reworking of a thin plot than me just reading it before and gaining nothing from it. Fortunately I have the freedom to choose to see it that way.

I’ve been sick, which has naturally curbed my online enthusiasm. That amongst other factors.
I regret using the words “cut loose” in my previous entry; it suggests I know what I’m doing, and that some future project will see the full extent of my powers, whatever those are. It’s an awful big responsibility for something that’s more or less just for fun. It’s an expectation I shrink from- another factor.

I sent in my Preacher article and I’m not too pleased with it. It lacks a unity of purpose, and wouldn’t write itself without resorting to a more eclectic style. That eclectic style is fun of course; it’s my style, but the period of shifting gears from the purposeful to the eclectic claws away at you. Which is to say me. The tone just isn’t what I wanted. But deadlines are deadlines after all.

Hung out with a friend yesterday, we’ve been keeping in better contact lately than we had for some time- but I can feel the life shaped hole in our conversation, the contours of the difficulty he is struggling with, along with the omissions kept in my own interaction. My own omissions are no surprise, of course I’m tenderly aware of them- but I like reminding myself of the gulf between myself, my problems, and those of others. My problems are necessarily important to me, Joe MacGuffin’s are necessarily important to him. That knowledge both puts my problems into perspective while keeping them legitimate. It’s enough to know we each have our own inner lives, and our own worth.

Too many people go all out to one extreme or the other, either wallowing in their own problems or completely ignoring them in favour of others.

This copy of V for Vendetta has a receipt for someone’s late fees paid as of March 8th 2010 at the Albion Toronto library branch: $0.90 for X-Men the Last Stand, $0.60 for Ice Age, and $2.10 for Homer’s Odyssey. I thought I’d like to meet this person, except that X-Men movie does suck, and I’m not interested in Ice Age. I guess I’d just like to borrow Homer’s Odyssey. But at $2.10, that book was late, it’s gotta go back.

Though I’ve increasingly gotten into the habit of writing whatever notes I leave myself in an actual note book, I’ve just come across one of my many receipts-as-bookmarks with its various orders for my later self. Contained on this particular gem are two quotes from George Bernard Shaw
“If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must Man be of learning from experience!”

I just added that quote for completeness sake, it’s the other quote that interests me now:
“No man dares say so much of what he thinks as to appear to himself an extremist.”

Though that thankfully hasn’t been an issue with this session for some reason, I can’t tell you how often I’m composing a letter and I type something especially convoluted that I think could be clever but is then just dumb. At a party last week I kept leaning over to a friend of mine and told him how I had a joke just then, but it was overly long and complicated and wouldn’t end up being funny at all. I really enjoyed one of the other guys there who DID make the convoluted jokes that completely fell flat.